MessagesHelp.org
What To Say, What Not To Say
A safe way to talk
Frequent contact from as many people as possible is the deciding factor in helping your friend, colleague or family member. The Messages section gives you multiple things that are medically approved to say. Tell them that they are not alone, that they will recover, and that you want them in your life.
What to say
These phrases show you care and are present:
"I'm here for you."
"You're not alone in this."
"I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you."
"Tell me what I can do to help."
"I'm glad you told me."
"Let's figure this out together."
"It's okay to feel this way."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"You matter to me."
"Take your time. I'm listening."
What not to say
These phrases can feel dismissive or hurtful, even if well-intentioned:
"Just think positive."
Why? Just like a person with a broken leg wishes they could walk so people with depression have lost the ability to think positively.
"Other people have it worse."
Why? Knowing someone has two broken legs does not help the pain of having one broken leg.
"You have so much to live for."
Why? The person considering Suicide is in terrible emotional pain and believes it will not stop.
"Snap out of it."
Why? People cannot switch off grief and pain.
"It's all in your head."
Why? Emotional pain is sometimes even worse than physical pain.
"You're being selfish."
Why? Depression convinces people they are a burden on others who would be better off without them.
"I know exactly how you feel."
Why? We can have some idea from our own lives, but we cannot know exactly.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Why? There is a risk they will see attempting suicide having a reason.
"You just need to try harder."
Why? They have a life-threatening situation and instinctively have tried as hard as they can until someone gives them new input.
"Why would you feel that way?"
Why? This dismisses accidentally the distress and difficulties they are experiencing.
Remember
You don't need to have all the answers. Being present, listening without judgment, and showing you care can make a real difference. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there.
Our pre-written messages are designed with these principles in mind — feel free to use them as a starting point.